Out of Focus!!!

I would like to thank all of the amazing people in my life that have supported me in this. I have appreciated every comment and I have to say, they have been sooo motivational. But people - you have to stop! I know that seems weird and rude, but the thing is ... I'm not done. I have to stay focused.

Although I LOVE hearing how healthy I look. I loved my mother saying, "I couldn't recognize you walking through the parking lot!" Jimmy (my step dad) went on and on when I saw him for the 1st time in about 40lbs. My friends say things like "skinny" "awesome" "sexy", etc... Everyone, everywhere, has nothing but good things to say about me. Thank you a million times over! But it has to stop! Mom-I know you are sooo proud of me-but you are the WORST! I am blessed to have you love me that much and give me that much attention and praise - but you too have to stop!

I went to my meeting last week and discussed with my counselor how these comments are very hard to hear right now. I know most of you are thinking, 'she is crazy' 'what a bitch' ... but there is more. The reason why I need these comments to stop is because I can't afford to get comfortable. I have a LONG-LONG way to go and right now, I am feeling WAY TOO comfortable.

Instead, I need my support group to become a hard-ass coach. I need the inner drill Sargent to come out of everyone to PUSH ME to the finish line. The other day, I slid on a pair of size 12 DKNY jeans my mom gave me months ago. I honestly thought I would never fit into them. Just like that...I slid them on, zipped them up, and buttoned them. The best part is I could move in them. I wore them to work on Friday and glowed. This is when people get comfortable. People start to think, "good enough". It sounds silly to say, but I am honestly feeling that way in the back of my mind, even though I don't want to feel or think that way. I am fighting against those thoughts.

With all of the praise, the accomplishment that I have made this far can easily be considered 'enough' ... but in my case, it can't. It isn't good enough. I have a long way to go. I can't afford to settle for what I have gotten done so far and that is what is in the back of my mind. I had a hard weekend and I struggled bad (mini-muffins at school, soup at home, and Wheat Thins) with nibbling on food. I have three weeks left of my shakes. I need...I want...4 or 5 pound weeks. I need to go back to square one and get refocused and get the job I started to do done.

My counselor says it helps to have an incentive to help motivate through the last weeks. Well, I already have a hubby that is pretty good at spoiling me. I've had to already buy clothes (thanks to the power of rationalization of "I need them for work". I reached the weight loss requirements for a new car (Mitch's original motivation that will most likely never happen)...I'm very happy and don't need a lot right now. Although the hope of getting preggo is great motivation ... it is also the quickest way to depress me. So...an incentive isn't really going to do much for me.

In closing, I will say this. "Dear God, give me the strength to continue loosing weight,the knowledge to keep it off, and money to pay for plastic surgery to smooth out the rough edges...."