Lake Weekend

I haven’t blogged in a while, but really….no news is good news. Kinda. I am now at -17! I am now only three little pounds away from being 1/3 of the way to my goal. This program is great and I am really enjoying it, but it is only easy when I practice avoidance behaviors. This past weekend, I was just over two weeks in the program and Mitchy Poo talked me into going to my mom’s cabin. For those of you who know my mom-she is a Paula Dean and a Martha Stewart (but she isn’t prude like Martha). At her cabin are several of my favorite items that I only have when I am there. Huge breakfast casseroles or waffles. Ribeyes with steamed veggies. Homemade beef hotdogs from the Miltona Meat Locker (they are famous). Jerky. Chips. Dip. Wine. Beer. Cocktails…….need I go on? I knew going into the weekend that I really didn’t want to even go. However, nobody listened to Joy and we went.

The 1st night there Mitch enjoyed his plate of homemade goodies and I just sarcastically sipped on my Diet Coke, which I had in a wine glass. The next day was worse. Even waking up, I felt bitchier. I took my frustration out and spent $130 at Ron’s Warehouse buying 40% Bed, Bath, and Beyond stuff. There was no fun lunch for me. No potato salad, hotdog, and chips. Everyone wondered why I was being so bitchy-well-DUH! I totally skipped out on the boat ride. That would be no fun for me. Being stuck in a boat with drinks, crackers and cheese-all things forbidden. No way in hell. I stayed home and sipped my dinner and smoked my dessert.

It was only thirty minutes after they arrived home that the house was full of the sweet smell of a chicken/stuffing/cheese/heaven casserole. By this time, I was done. I grabbed my dogs and went downstairs to sleep through the pain. I think I slept for two hours. Mitch came down and crawled in bed with me and woke me up by saying, “Baby, how you doing?” That is when the water works turned on. I cried and cried and cried. I told him how much being there sucked (which is NEVER the case), and how hard this is to do, how we have to change-pretty much … just had a nice fifteen minute cry with Mitchy Poo just holding me and letting me cry. We went back upstairs and enjoyed some more of the evening.

This program is working and I’m doing great. I feel great and as of yesterday, I can finally see a difference. Sadly, I feel that my boobs are getting smaller already, but that’s okay, Mitch is buying me new ones in a few years anyway. But for anyone that is trying to quit something, being around certain things are hard and it takes time to work through them. For an alcoholic that is two weeks sober, the last place they want to go is to a Bar or worse Vegas! Someone who is quitting smoking doesn’t want to drive in a car for 7 hours with a smoker! A person who doesn’t know how to swim doesn’t want to walk across the wet scary log over the Colorado River full of rapids. Come On!

Magic Drugs

Well, after my appointment this past Thursday, I was able to start a new drug! I told the doctor that all I could think about was food. Everywhere I looked-FOOD. So, he prescribed me a new drug and said, "you'll actually look at food and say, yuck, I don't want that and you are going to feeling a big increase in energy". I smiled at him and nodded trying to keep my happy face on. I was really thinking, "WHATEVER-there is no drug in this world that could keep me from eating and thinking about food!"

I got home and Googled my drug. Some side effects I could have are dizziness, insomnia, increased heart rate, dry mouth, etc.... blah blah blah-we've all heard that before. I was concerned about the insomnia part of things. Now that Mitch is home every night, I have had trouble sleeping again. Poor Mitchy always gets the short end of the stick in my blogs, but it has to be said. He snores!!! He doesn't just snore (and blame it on Pork Chop) but he is so loud! I describe it to people the same way every time - Mitch's snoring is so bad he can guide ships in from the deep sea through a dense fog.

So Saturday morning came and I took the pill at about 530am in the morning. That way, I could sleep a few hours through any adjustment period. The next thing I knew I had to call my friend in the afternoon and explain how this little white pill with blue dots is the best thing since sliced bread! It was Saturday afternoon and I realized...I haven't thought about food all day. It never even crossed my mind one bit-not even one craving! I couldn't believe it. My mother tells me that this drug is serious and that people get addicted (as she is saying this I am rolling my eyes at her through the phone) and I shouldn't admit to taking this drug and a few other things I think I blocked out. Well people.... I LOVE THIS DRUG. I've been on it since Saturday and I haven't even had to get into the pickles. Infact, I made a salad yesterday, and forgot it was on the counter. I have been around hotdogs, Schwans, cookies, donuts-all things carbs and sugar and I didn't go to the dark side at all!!!

Moving on...... So it is Monday morning, two days of drugs, feeding horses, cleaning stalls, sweating and doing everything by the book, I thought I was GOLDEN for a 2-3 pound loss over the weekend. On Friday I was -11 ... Monday I was -11. WTF ???? I was so upset. All that work and sweat and I lost nothing! Today looked a little brighter and I was at -12. Finally, I lost that one pound from the weekend!!!

Ode To The Scale

After two days of drama and an abusive assault on every pickle in my house, yesterday was the big day! Weigh in day! Every woman out there weighs herself the same way. In the morning, we wake up, strip down, pee (in hopes to get rid of those extra ounces) and maybe take a lil #2. We walk over to the scale, make sure it's level and square and slowly breeze ourselves onto it. In fact, I am sure I am not the only one who has caught herself "sucking in" even though it won't help us one bit. We look down and one of two things happen. If we loose weight, a beam of joy circumferences our bodies. If we gain it, we forcefully step off, and kick it back into its resting place. I have also adjusted the scale just in case it wasn't level and tried again. No matter what weigh in pattern you do ... it's never fun. However this morning the scale read -9 pounds! My GOAL!!!!!

So after I got off work I ran home and changed, maybe I should say stripped. I removed everything I didn't need (The night before I trimmed my toenails, shaved everywhere and buffed my heels-this is death-con-five). No ring, no hair tie and I brushed all the hairspray out of my hair. I want to be as light as possible. Lets face it, weighing at 4pm in the afternoon is not exactly the same as in the morning. Its FAR WORSE!!! I looked in the mirror and said good bye to my sensible cotton briefs and found a light and thin pair of workout pants and the smallest, thinnest t-shirt from Old Navy. Grabbed my flip-flops (because lets face it...socks add up too) and I was ready to go. Luckily I still looked good and didn't go into the office looking like a carnival worker.

I arrived and checked in, grabbed my goodies for the upcoming week, and then my name was called. They escorted me into the small room in the back and said, "lets do it". Trying to NOT do my weird weigh in rituals like at home, I mounted up, closed my eyes and listen to things beep at me. At this point...she didn't tell me how I did. Off to the next small room ... time for blood pressure (which of course has got to be skyrocketing ... I mean ... having to weigh in will cause any woman's pressure to go up!).

"Great Job, you've lost 9 pounds", in less than one second after she said that, both of my arms were above my head, and I was dancing in Philly like Rocky! "YEAH!" I said out loud, ecstatic! Then she said the words nobody wants to hear.... "Oh wait, sorry, my mistake. It is 7.5 pounds" That bitch took 1.5 away from me! Nonetheless, 7.5 pounds in 7 days is great. The nurses and the doctor were very please. In fact, they told me one pound of that is fluid and 6.5 pounds of that I lost in PURE FAT!!! Does anyone out there know how much fat that is? If you are unsure, go to your freezer and take out 6 pounds of hamburger - that's right baby! It is a lot. So I am a happy camper and ready for week two. My doctor said I was doing great and I should reach the 40lb mark in six weeks. Boooyaaaa!

This morning I weighed in at home, like I do every morning, and the scale said I was down 11. So I think there is a 3lb give or take situation here. So again, one week down ... just a few more to go. Thanks everyone who reads this and is cheering me along the way. I would also like to report that Mitchy Poo is behaving MUCH better and has cheered me on everyday. Thank goodness!

It's The Worst It's Ever Been !

Well, it is has been two days, the scale hasn't dropped. I hit the 9 pound mark quick and easy and now I feel like my body is protesting. Either that or something else is going to arrive. Looking back at my previous posts, I noticed I am sooo much like my mother. Every day that passes, every post has the "It's The Worst It's Ever Been" feel to it...but honestly, this is soo hard. It's been seven days....seven long, looooong, lllloooooonnnnngggggg days. Now, I am down to only vanilla shakes, which I quickly learned are NOT as good as the chocolate ones! That will make for a long two days before I go back on Thursday for my scheduled meeting/appt.

I don't want to cheat, but everywhere I turn there is food. Food that I miss. I go into the gas station and goodies are cooking. I run into the grocery store-I can smell the baked bread and deli meat. I have a few bonding hours with my couch and tv - there are commercials. I come to work - there are treats. It seems that everyday that passes, I miss normality more and continue to think of all the yummy food I am missing.

Yesterday while I was making my travel plans for the fall, I realized there will be no more dinners out in the evening. One of the joys of traveling is going out at night, when it is all said and one and enjoy splurging at a restaurant that I can't normally go to. Opening week at school is literally just down the road. When we get ready for school to begin, the campus gathers over yummy pizza, breadsticks, and Cesar salad to listen to opening remarks. Every season we have a coaches luncheon to listen to coaches and players speak...while we create our own sandwiches-not this year. This list doesn't include dinners out with friends or family! So many social events are centered around food. Even a golf game with friends includes beer and sunflower seeds.

I continue to remind myself, I can have this all again, but just not now. I am taking a vacation. The pizza will still be here in a few months, right? Prohibition will never happen with pizza will it? As I quickly type this, I am enjoying my favorite luxury, pickles!!! I love pickles, but I have to moderate my pickle intake due to sodium. I am not allowed to go home and assault the jar of baby dills.

I can't wait for Thursday to get restocked in the stuff I like and focus on my next week's goals. Hopefully next week won't be, the worst its ever been!

Voices in My Head

Saturday morning showed up and although I feared for the weekend, it turned out well. By Saturday morning I had lost 7 pounds (this in only 3 days) so I was feeling great! I went out to the barn and gave Shorty a pre-rodeo bath and power washed a handful of saddle pads. I am a sucker for a power washer! After my afternoon with the horses I headed back into town. I expected Mitch to come home prior to leaving for his rodeo. I walked in the kitchen knowing I had to cook for him eventually and decided to start small. I pulled out the small lunch cooler and made him three turkey sandwiches. There was a moment that I said out loud to myself, "No Good Can Come From This". Those who know me well also know that I love sandwiches! In fact, there is only two sandwiches that I do not care for. #1 Tuna Melt (or anything made with can tuna-yuck!) #2 - Reuben (or anything made with kraut-double yuck). Other than those two sandwiches....I love them! Toasted, open faced, melted, smothered, grilled, pressed .... Sweet Jesus....I want a damn sandwich!

My worst night thus far started at 6pm when I heard from Mitch. "What do you mean you are not coming home? I made you sandwiches!" I told him. So there I was, spending an evening alone, with three turkey sandwiches calling to me from inside the fridge. It was like the scene from Ghostbusters when Dana opens the door to her fridge, light shines, and the voice says, 'ZOOL'. I was not that lucky, instead of ghosts, I had a turkey sandwich with a high pitch voice, similar to Nanny Fine, saying, "half of one won't hurt".

While making these for Mitch I had planned for a sandwich sabotage, I'm no idiot. To help ensure the fact I won't touch these beautiful turkey sandwiches, I smothered the sandwiches in Honey Mustard. There is nothing in this world that ruins a sandwich (or chicken nuggets for that matter) than Honey Mustard! I understand that the world is full of honey mustard lovers, but I am not one, have never been one, and will never be one. That stinky sauce is my kryptonite and if I have even a drop on my food....it is forever ruined.

Saturday evening, late, too late to call anyone as a distraction, I laid upstairs in bed. I made the trip down the stairs...through the dinning room...into the kitchen.... to the fridge and looked at the sandwiches. I even went as far as to open the lunch box. Well, the honey mustard poison worked, every time I went down there, I ended up grabbing a piece of celery and slamming the door...oh and again, more smoking. I'm not proud that I am smoking, but I can't give up food, booze and cigs at the same time.

The Terrible Twos

As of yesterday at 4pm, my 30 year old body morphed into a 2-year old. I had a wonderful day at work and returned to my house to enjoy my 4pm veggies. Once again I choked down a salad and gasoline and treated myself to a Dt. Coke. I turned on a movie and instead of watching the movie for what it was, I focused on all the the candies and cake and drinks that Marie Antoinette was served. That was the end of an easy day. Now, all I wanted, was food.

Cheeseburgers, cheeseballs, club sandwich, ribeye, scallops, and McDonalds fries ..... everything entered my mind. That is when I realized that I was now in what I like to call The Terrible Twos. Anyone who has had children or have spent time around children know that they love things they can't have. Children will become fixated on remotes, cell phones, laptops .... anything they can't have. If they get their hands on one of these items and an adult takes it away-what happens? If you don't remember, I'll remind you - A BREAKDOWN HAPPENS! Kids will scream, naughty kids might hit, and all of them turn bright fuchsia. Even if you hand them a broken cell phone, or a remote that they can play with-they don't want it. They want the real thing!! Nobody wants shakes over burgers or pre-packaged mac and cheese ... they want the real thing and if they don't get it, the fixation starts.

So, I turned off the movie, and I went upstairs to my bed for a "time out". I layed in bed knowing I had an hour and a half before I could eat again and cuddled with my dogs. I turned on the movie Step Brothers in hopes the vulgar language would drown out the sounds of sugarplums dancing in my head. Sleeeeeeppppp..... About an hour later, I woke up in a small puddle of my own drool to notice my mom calling me. Thank God-another distraction! I visited with my mom outside in the nice sun, let my dogs play and smoked.

It's not that I want to go and eat everything I think of, but what I wouldn't give for a burger with a side of grease. Well, as of this morning I have peed out 5 pounds and I will continue to fight these food urges. I know that my hardest time during the day is from 4p-10p ... that is when I am used to eating. I'm not to proud to admit that for the first few weeks...I might need more "time outs" so I can just sleep through the cravings. I am sure that Mitch and my mom would rather see me take that built up engery during my cravings and take it out on laundry, floor boards, dusting and scouring ... but lets not get ahead of ourselves. I hate cleaning, why would I want to punish myself by making me more miserable???

Thank you for reading and cheering me one. I am sure by December, you will all be sick of me. However, I appreciate all the support my family, friends, and co-workers have for me. Thanks all!

Gasoline and Salad Dressing

While reading my handy dandy program binder, I discovered I could have rabbit food aka...lettuce, celery, cucumbers and this one kind of dressing. I dashed to the grocery store trying VERY HARD not to be distracted by all of the things I wish I was buying. I grabbed some veggies, my salad dressing and some spring lettuce mix. Dreaming about chewing, I fixed me up a spring salad mix with my Ceaser dressing. I bought Ceaser because I thought, that was the one kind of dressing that would taste good ... boy was I wrong.

One bite into my salad and my lips burned! I felt as if I just took a shot of Hot Damn. All a sudden, my sinuses cleared up and I could feel the burn creap down my throat. "What the fuck is in this," I thought to my self as I grabbed the bottle. The answer- nothing. No calories, no carbs, no sugar-NOTHING! I am not sure how they begin to make this dressing, than I thought of my mom, my big brother and all cooking fanatic friends who all know one thing....no matter what you make, there is a base to it. Flour is used for breads (including cupcakes ..... hmmmmm cupcakes), butter for sauce and gravy, chicken scraps for broth, everything out there has a base. I came to realize the only thing that could be so painful in this world that is in liquid form to be used in this dressing has got to be gasoline! This dressing smelled like gas, what I can only assume tasted like gas, and had the texture of gas. Sweet Jesus!

After adding half of a diced up cucumber to my salad to take away from the gasoline dressing, I choked it down and tried to enjoy being able to chew. Although the thought entered my mind, maybe I should just drink gasoline on the rocks and at least get high from it...but just my luck, there is probably calories in gasoline!

Day two is off and running. I got on the scale today and lost 3.5 pounds. I was a bit surprised because I drank a two liter bottle of fluid yesterday and three Flinstone Vitamins (don't judge me-that is the closest thing to candy I will have for months). Nonetheless, I peed out 3.5lbs in twelve hours and I'm stoked! I am also pleased to report that my husband was welcomed for dinner at our good friends house. They stuffed him full of brats and taters! When he returned home last night, the only thing he has was ice tea (ironically - that is on my list as things I can have).

I did have a family call me at work and ask for recommendations for places to have lunch in Valley City. As I was describing our local eats, Pizza Corner and Budget Burger, I have to admit, I closed my eyes and pictured Taco Pizza and a Mushroom and Swiss burger. Before my program is over, I am sure I will spiritually connect with Mr. Jimmy Buffet and dream that I am a Cheese Burger in Paradise!

Introduction

In order to shed the extra pounds that have picked up residence on my body, I started a medical diet. For those of you who don't know what a medical diet is, I will explain. A doctor makes you drink shakes and eat bars for months, which literally starves your body. Don't be confused, I am totally excited to do this ... but I am not stupid-it's going to suck!

I read somewhere to think of this time as a "vacation from food." After completing my first day on the Optifast program ... I want to go home. Take my passport, exchange my ticket, and send me home! I am not hungry but mannnnn, do I want to eat. Although I am not starving enough to eat lutefisk, I would be more than happy to eat a bowl of brussel sprouts.

The greatest challenge for me in any attempt to loose weight is my husband Mitch, aka Mitchy Poo. Mr. Fastfood himself! Although I love him more than anything, he will do everything he can to take me down! I have educated him about what I am going through and gave him every detail. There are a few things that I pointed out to him.
#1 - There will be no fast food, pizza, candy or anything else that I would want entering our home.
#2 - For the first few weeks, I will not be cooking dinner for him. He can play the part of stray dog with any of our friends. (fyi-it said in the book I should "refrain from cooking for my family and cleaning the kitchen after my family-SCORE!!!).
#3 - He does not get to taste test my goodies. After spening $250 on ten days of food, that fool isn't going to touch it!

So the ground rules were laid out to him numerous times. Yet, on my first day, he already started to fuck with me. He came home while I was in the kitchen trying to take out the trash (which I decided I'd leave for him). He opens the freezer, pulls out peanut MnM's (my fav) and throws a few back and says, "Ahhhhh, I needed these". WHO DOES THAT? Needless to say, I went a little exorcist on him. I mean really, I have asked for his support and he does that??!!

Other than the Mitchy Poo moment, I had a great day. I really had to focus and continue to say, "I'm not hungry" to remind myself I don't need to snack. So far-so good. My bladder on the other hand has just been welcomed into Bladder Boot Camp. Part of the program is of course drinking 8 cups of water. It's funny...I can drink a bottle and 1/2 of wine but this two litter bottle of water is a little more difficult. Luckily for me, I can add Chrystal Light. So, I have peed six times today and I'm sure I'll have to go another seven times before bedtime. I look forward to my bladder getting into shape!