Preggo + Baby Weight + Baby Blues + Food = I'm baaaack!

Hello friends,
It has been a long time since I last blogged in my "Vacation from Food" blog. Mainly because I lost weight and spent a long time enjoying the new healthy me! Many of you know, the #1 reason behind my new healthy lifestyle was the hope that being healthy would help me get preggo. I had NO IDEA it would happen so fast. My new healthy lifestyle didn't have much time to get used to things before the "cravings" started. Which is why I am here.

This past December I had a beautiful little girl that you all know. If you don't know Lucy, then you have not been paying attention to Facebook, because I'm pretty sure I post something about her every day. Anywho - with Lucy came a large amount of baby weight (55lbs (total lie) - but it's okay...I hear that Kelly Ripa gained almost 70 pounds, and I didn't do to bad-lol). Many pregnant women get to enjoy things like morning, afternoon and night sickness. They have a shimmery glow towards food aversions. Those lucky women. Not me. I didn't have any episodes of throwing up and there wasn't a single food that was a turn off for me (I am so my mother's daughter). I wasn't a overly paranoid women who refused to eat lunch meat, fish, or caffine. Shoot, I even enjoyed a few small, very small glasses of wine. So my pregnancy was what I refer to as a "food focused" pregnancy. Like many 1st time preggos, the idea that I could eat whatever I wanted danced around my head like sugarplums. I took advantage.

After Lucy was born, I came down with a bad case of the baby blues. It was horrible. I couldn't eat a thing and that was the start of the scale going down for me. Eventually, I got hungry and I ate. My baby blues didn't go away and I continued to eat my way through the summer. I would like to blame my lack of losing weight on my mother buying cupcakes for us or my husband bringing home fast food all the time, but I can't. Truth be told ... I have made bad choices.I admit that. However, those choices are now in the past and I am moving forward. Originally I did this for me and now I am going to do this for Lucy. She deserves a happy and healthy mom. I want to be a good role model for her.

Tomorrow is August 8th. Many people have told me that it "takes a year" to get a post-pregnancy body back to normal and I am running out of time! As of tomorrow, I have 138 days until Lucy's 1st birthday. It's time to get my ass on the wagon and get back to healthy-happy Joy!

Here was a picture of me last year - Thanksgiving I believe. So "Cheers" to my next journey!

Meat, Exercise & Exorcism

I am down 56.5 pounds and continue to keep focused. Last Thursday I was granted the right to eat again. It was a beautiful moment. The clouds parted, birds chirped, and beams of sun from heaven streamed down to me. "You mean I get to have 4 whole ounces of meat once a day??!!" I asked in pure excitement. I know most people out there reading this are thinking...'Really, she is bragging about 4 ounces?' Well my answer to those people is HELL YA I'M BRAGGING! Finally food! Not just fake food like pickles, lettuce, gasoline salad dressing and pickles, but MEAT! Juicy ________ (fill in the blank: grilled, baked, roasted, broiled, sauteed (in 1 tsp of light PAM) - MEAT!!!! I didn't think my life could get any better at that moment, but I was wrong.

Not only was I allowed to have 4oz of lean meat, it was open season for all veggies! Lets get real, that shouldn't and doesn't include potatoes, corn, or massive amounts of tomatoes. However, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, beans, and peas can again be enjoyed!!!! The best part is-I'm not finished...there is more!

I have been cleared to exercise for 20min three times a week! What a life saver that has been. Many of my friends know I have been sore-sore-sore for months. I had a glimpse to what it will feel like being 85 years old with arthritis and fake hip. I continued to laugh it off by saying, "I thought loosing weight made walking and doing things easier? I hurt more now than I did when I was chubby!". It was true. There were days I could barely get in and out of the car. I spent hours and hours sitting on a pillow as I added up the travel miles in my work car this past fall. It hurt to ride, it hurt to spread my legs, go up stairs, get in and out of cars, sit, stand, sleep ... you name it. Two weeks ago the doctor said I could start stretching and that helped a bunch. Now, throwing in some exercise made life better! I've got my flexibility back! I CAN TOUCH MY TOES!!!!

I was so excited when I realized this on Tuesday night after working out. I YELLED at Mitch to come to the basement where I showed him the four different positions I could touch my toes in! This amazing gift from God wasn't about flexibility it was about this large mass called my stomach that got in the way. Not anymore ... ;-)

While traveling this week, I failed to blog and mention about my weekend. The good news is, my body worked again. I ovulated with all of those symptoms us girls get. I can't count the number of times I have rolled my eyes at women who have said their "girls" are sore. I never believed it. OH MY GOD - it is the most awful feeling ever! I continue to think that when I get home, taking off my bra might make them feel better-NOPE! It is unbelievable. I am so sorry for never believing anyone woman that sore bubbies actually existed.

To make matters worse ... 10+ years of hormones escaped my body all at once. Last Friday. I left my office at 10am to go home and cry. Something happened, I hit a wall, and I dialed my bestie and my sister and they talked me off the ledge. I had no idea that hormones were so powerful. If you are not following me, let me explain. There is a great old classic movie of the 80's known as GHOSTBUSTERS ! In this movie, there is a scene where a man forced the Ghostbusters to release the hundreds of ghosts back into Manhattan. That was my hormones...hundreds of little demon bastards fighting their way out of my body to destroy everything in my path. What did this do to me??? Let me take you back.

It was 1973, Linda Blair played the part of a young girl who has become an icon. Just 37 years later, it was my turn to take over for Linda Blair in the movie, we all know as ... The Exorcist!!!! In less then 24 hours, sweet, cute, loving Joy started to experience strange behaviors. Joy cursed and yelled in a demonic male voice. Doors slammed, remotes flung through the air, and evil text messages were sent. Mitch, the love of Joy's life, remained calm and let Joy blow. At one point in time, Mitch considered the following options: to commit her for psychiatric testing, contact the local priests, or send her back to her parents with a full refund - he didn't. Even when Joy snapped at him for looking at her wrong or when Joy sent him an upset text because he started laundry ... he just let her work through her demon. The tragic tale comes to a end, when on Monday, Joy hugged Mitch, and said, "I'm so sorry for how I treated you. I don't know where that came from." Mitch responded, "It's okay ... it'll get better ... and I understand." So, here I am. I survived my 1st week of transition ... survived the worse case of hormonal whatever the hell that was ... and I have a hubby by my side (eating ice cream most likely).

Out of Focus!!!

I would like to thank all of the amazing people in my life that have supported me in this. I have appreciated every comment and I have to say, they have been sooo motivational. But people - you have to stop! I know that seems weird and rude, but the thing is ... I'm not done. I have to stay focused.

Although I LOVE hearing how healthy I look. I loved my mother saying, "I couldn't recognize you walking through the parking lot!" Jimmy (my step dad) went on and on when I saw him for the 1st time in about 40lbs. My friends say things like "skinny" "awesome" "sexy", etc... Everyone, everywhere, has nothing but good things to say about me. Thank you a million times over! But it has to stop! Mom-I know you are sooo proud of me-but you are the WORST! I am blessed to have you love me that much and give me that much attention and praise - but you too have to stop!

I went to my meeting last week and discussed with my counselor how these comments are very hard to hear right now. I know most of you are thinking, 'she is crazy' 'what a bitch' ... but there is more. The reason why I need these comments to stop is because I can't afford to get comfortable. I have a LONG-LONG way to go and right now, I am feeling WAY TOO comfortable.

Instead, I need my support group to become a hard-ass coach. I need the inner drill Sargent to come out of everyone to PUSH ME to the finish line. The other day, I slid on a pair of size 12 DKNY jeans my mom gave me months ago. I honestly thought I would never fit into them. Just like that...I slid them on, zipped them up, and buttoned them. The best part is I could move in them. I wore them to work on Friday and glowed. This is when people get comfortable. People start to think, "good enough". It sounds silly to say, but I am honestly feeling that way in the back of my mind, even though I don't want to feel or think that way. I am fighting against those thoughts.

With all of the praise, the accomplishment that I have made this far can easily be considered 'enough' ... but in my case, it can't. It isn't good enough. I have a long way to go. I can't afford to settle for what I have gotten done so far and that is what is in the back of my mind. I had a hard weekend and I struggled bad (mini-muffins at school, soup at home, and Wheat Thins) with nibbling on food. I have three weeks left of my shakes. I need...I want...4 or 5 pound weeks. I need to go back to square one and get refocused and get the job I started to do done.

My counselor says it helps to have an incentive to help motivate through the last weeks. Well, I already have a hubby that is pretty good at spoiling me. I've had to already buy clothes (thanks to the power of rationalization of "I need them for work". I reached the weight loss requirements for a new car (Mitch's original motivation that will most likely never happen)...I'm very happy and don't need a lot right now. Although the hope of getting preggo is great motivation ... it is also the quickest way to depress me. So...an incentive isn't really going to do much for me.

In closing, I will say this. "Dear God, give me the strength to continue loosing weight,the knowledge to keep it off, and money to pay for plastic surgery to smooth out the rough edges...."

48 Pounds .... Holy Crap-On-A-Cracker

As I look at my past blogs, I remember vividly how BIG of a deal it was when I got to type "23 POUNDS DOWN!!!". Now, here I am at 48 pounds lost and I can't believe it. My road to being healthy continues with little road construction & detours. The only downside to this whole adventure (Note: It is a GREAT PROBLEM TO HAVE) is how expensive this journey has been. I'm not talking about the doctor bills, I'm talking about the clothes.

As you know, I'm down two sizes and I am honestly, about 10-15 pounds from hitting the next size. Currently, my 14's are belted to keep them from falling down (P.S. Thanks to my mother for giving me a FLAT TUSHY! There is no junk in my trunk to keep things on my hips!). The other day while in Grand Forks, I ran into Old Navy to grab another pair of jeans. I actually had a pair of size 12's on ... but it was pretty scary! My legs looked thin! However, any excess fat on my thighs traveled right over my hips and into my stomach. I didn't look like a cute little muffin, instead I looked like the world's largest mushroom! But-they were on-zipped-and buttoned! Yippee!

Speaking of belly fat. I really wish I could harvest all of the fat in my stomach and inject it in my but! They make home waxing kits, people pierce their own ears, sheep are castrated with rubber-bands ... where are the home plastic surgery kits??!! I have watched so many episodes of Dr. 90210, I am certain I could preform my own tummy tuck-or lipo procedure! My stomach is so soft and squshy it is really gross. Prior to the weight loss, I had good fat. It was hard and wasn't really hard to handle. Now, that it is breaking down, and lacking any kind of physical activity, it is bad. Everyone, I have a Santa Claus belly! It's true ... "like a bowl full of jelly"... that's me! At least with Christmas around the corner, I'll blend in with the decorations!

There is one thing that this process has taken from me. Luckily for me, like underwear, jeans, shirts and belts ... I can also buy new ones. That's right. I am loosing my girls! I went from a DD to a D ! My poor hubby (who is a 'boob man') is loosing his favorite sidekicks. Hopefully this doesn't gross out to many people ... I know there are plenty of women out there who are married to a 'boob man'. I had to marry one - it's not like I could have married a guy who likes badonkedonks, I don't have one of those.

For all of those mothers out there who worry, don't worry about my openess about plastic surgery. I have always been a believer in what I call, "Prevenitive Maintance". I don't plan to follow Joan Rivers' or Cher's footsteps. I am more of a Kate Gosslin. I'll put it in HGTV lingo for my mom ... I don't want to tear down, and build a new addition. I just want to re-finish with slight updates.

Wow-this blog went from weightloss to plastic surgery. I have 25 pounds to go ... a few kids and a few more laugh lines before I start the 2nd part of this blog! Again, thank you everyone for your support. I appreciate everyone who looks in on me through this process.

Big Milestones and Baby Steps

After ten weeks of working on a healthier Joy, my first mini-goal was met. I made it to the 40 pound mark (43 pounds to be precise). I remember thinking back to my first week and how badly I wanted food. I said to myself and many friends, "When I hit the 40 pound mark, I'm going to pig out on the world's largest sandwich!" However, after the hard work and change of attitude, that didn't happen. The thought of grease makes my teeth nervous and makes my stomach literally turn inside out (this has been scientifically proven). I did enjoy a small meal with some close friends but that was the end of it.

At my last doctor visit I was given a little piece of paper with my weeks numbers on it. I only have 30 more pounds to go and I am at the weight they doctors want me at. The funny thing is, I will be 4 pounds LIGHTER than the day I met Mitch (and I looked good when I met him). My goal is to knock off the next 25 pounds by Thanksgiving, which I believe is 8 weeks away. It is do-able.
I still have a "food fit" every now and then, mainly if I am home alone and bored. The nights I visit with friends and work on big projects that don't involve cleaning, I do great. If I have a night alone and bored, no good comes from that. I have to stay focused on staying busy. With the fall season arriving, it is dark out by 730pm. That is a long cry from the summer days of it being light out at 9pm. My mind thinks-when it is dark out, I should be home. Then I go home ... and quickly get bored. I need a project!

On the anatomy and physiology side of things. My body aches in pain on a daily basis. All of my bones and joins are having to re-adjust themselves to my new body shape. Being chubby was far less painful. Also, I had something unexpected happen to me. Many of you won't care to read this and if you are a man reading this, I would advise you that the following statement might be something you can't handle. With that said.... my body ovulated for the 1st time in my life!!!! It was so weird! Normally, I don't have my periods and if I do, they are induced and happen so quickly, I never really had a ovulation window. However, approximately 14 days ago...I noticed something. As I finished going pee, I said, "What the F*#$& is that?" In fact, I thought it was gross. Then, a light bulb came on. Off to the laptop I went - www.Google.com - and I Google'd. By golly, it's a sign. I didn't really read too much, but I got the gist of it.

The week following my little discovery, my girls hurt so bad! The 1st day I noticed them sore, I thought, could I have slept on them wrong? Do they hurt cuz they are shrinking to? I asked a few friends and they said the same thing. "maybe your are preggo!" Well, I'm not. But a few other friends said, "That happens when you are ovulating or right after". Interesting enough, it was right after.
14 days after my light bulb...one week after my sore boobs, I got my period.

Throughout the past years as I suffered from Period Envy, numbers like 14 and 15 and 28 bugged me. All of those numbers were often discussed about periods, ovulating, babies, etc. They didn't mean anything to me. Not now! Now, for the 1st time ever, I had a real cycle! I'm not sure if it will happen next month or not. But it hasn't happened in years. Even in high school, I would go three months and not have one. My point is....it is a baby step (no pun intended). Maybe Baby Henry is around the corner?? Maybe my stork got tied up in customs trying to enter the US. Maybe my stork got pulled over in Arizona and didn't have the right papers on her? Maybe my stork flys as slow as my mom drives? Maybe my stork has been too busy having babies of her own to worry about the women in this world patiently waiting - that bitch!

New Jeans and a BIG Uh-Oh !

Well, I haven't blogged in a while and truthfully, it's because there hasn't been a lot going on ... until this weekend. This past weekend I traveled to South Dakota for a wedding. While there, I was overly annoyed at the fact that my jeans continued to fall off. When I walk-they fall off. When I sit-they shift down. It was irritating!

On Saturday, I went to the mall and stepped into Old Navy. I am a BIG Old Navy fan! Great clothes and even greater prices! I grabbed some size 14 jeans (two sizes smaller than what I was used to) and I grabbed some size 16's (just in case I was a little over eager). I slid on the 14's with complete ease. There was no reason to spray my legs down with Crisco or to lay down in the dressing room. Up they went! As I looked down at the zipper, I thought "here goes nothing." The next thing I knew, they were on, zipped, and buttoned. I turned around examining every inch of my waist, butt and thighs in the jeans. They looked good. The perfect ratio of good tight-clean fit but not so tight someone could count the cellulite spots in my ass.

So I threw two pairs in my arms and checked out. Honestly-who needs to continue to try on jeans - if now these fit? So I picked out two colors I liked and hit the road. What was I thinking? It has been so long since I bought jeans, I totally forgot that every jean is different. Buying jeans is like going into a coffee house. I wanted to order a plain coffee ... but ended up buying the venti-carmel-non-fat-macchiato-with whip cream and sprinkles. In jeans terms: size 14, light stone wash, low rise,with a flare leg. Oops! When I tried on these jeans when I got home, I realized I belong in a Starbucks ... perched on the ledge next to the muffins....because the only think a LOW RISE jeans cooks up on a chubby person is a VENTI MUFFIN TOP!! Although they are comfy and fit everywhere else, this pair will only be paired with large sweatshirts and long jackets. Next time, I'll pay closer attention.

Here is a question for my readers: what happens to a person who decides to eat a meal, have two glasses of wine, and a few MnM's ... after eight weeks of eating nothing? I will spare you the gross details, but it is a mirrored reflection of one's 21st birthday! That's right. I did decide to nibble on the meal at the wedding. I did good. I didn't over eat anything. I did manage to eat my entire scoop of potatoes (don't judge me-I was set up. They were the cheesy hashbrowns with cornflakes on top-NOBODY could refuse those!). But the point is: I ate food...then I paid for it!!! We were home by 1015pm that night and by 11pm ... I wrapped my arms around the chilled toilet and paid the price. Booze+Carbs+grease+sugar = BLAHHHHGGGHH

I look forward to going to class this week and telling my dietitian this story. She will not have sympathy for me at all. She may laugh and she will tell me I did it to myself. Then she will secretly hope that my week is low numbers or even a pound gained...which she explains is the best way to learn this lesson. Oh Boy-Thursday is going to be here waaayyyy too soon! I'm going to be in soo much trouble! But I do love my new jeans! I do love being able to cross my legs without any awkward leaning or stumbling ... so there is no wedding cake, sugar cookie, or deliciously fried food that will stop me from continuing this fight.

Thar' She Blows

Yesterday at my appointment, I was shocked that I lost weight this past week. In fact, I think it was unfair that I did, since my week was less than par. This morning as I type this I am -28 ! That is only two pounds away from being half way there! I know it must sound weird when I say, "I wish I wouldn't have lost". However, last week wasn't pretty. I don't want to fight off the next 32 pounds believing I can get away with what I did last week. I know I can't.

So-last week started off with a bang. Everything was running smooth like a well oiled truck. Lately, I have been cooking meals for Mitchy Poo. The 1st week I cooked, I focused on making him things I didn't like. However, last week, I made the mistake making him things I craved. Some parents live vicariously through their children. Look at Dina Lohan, mother of Lindsay Lohan, who is the poster child for living vicariously through their child! Nonetheless, I quickly realized that I can't live vicariously through the meals I make for Mitchy.

One night I found myself in the grocery store picking something up for Mitch. Then it happened, I walked by the garlic bread. "Mitch would love pasta and garlic bread!" I thought to myself. To make matters worse,I was also picking up ingredients for banana bread. Mitch hasn't been eating breakfast, so I thought I would treat him to a loaf of banana bread. I have never made banana bread before but I relish it whenever it is offered.

Once I got home and unloaded my groceries, I became a horse and started grazing. My rationalization was "it's just one bite". Two days later and I was a walking verse from 'Old McDonald Had A Farm" - - - "with a bite-bite here, and a bite-bite there. Here a bite-there a bite-everywhere a bite-bit" --

The difference is, new Joy, knew this was wrong. Old Joy would have just blown the whole week and said, "fuck it - this was so worth it". Even when I took a bite, that was the end of it. An hour later I was back on track and the next day started with focus. Although the day didn't end in focus, I didn't blow the entire day.

I am proud to see my mind changing even this early in the game. Even though I had a rough week, I quickly regained my focus and didn't just blow it. In the past I would often put off for tomorrow what I could do today. I would get into diet mode, start a diet at 730am and give into treats at work by 1030a and then go ahead and eat whatever I wanted that evening....thus moving the diet start date to tomorrow. I would now advise my friends and even my own mom, not to blow the entire day. If you splurge at lunch, doesn't mean you are entitled to splurge for the rest of the week, weekend, or even day. Have your moment, forgive yourself, refocus, and move on.

23 Pounds Down - 100,000 Temptations To Go

Well, my blog is moving from daily to weekly as you can tell. The first week, I really needed to vent my way through it, but now, I am calm, collected, and doing well. Okay, so that is exterior Joy, but interior Joy wants pizza. Not just any pizza-Hotel Shoreham pizza! Last Friday was a very awkward day for me. Just the thought of drinking the shakes made me feel like I was going to hurl. I got to the point that I would have to pretty much slam them down like a shot (ahhh-college memories). It was awful. I try to change the texture of my shakes up a little. Pour them over ice, freeze them into a slush, but I feel my body is starting to develop a food aversion to them. Which doesn't surprise me....all I have done for the last four weeks is drink every meal. Hopefully this program doesn't ruin chocolate malts for me. I have a few moments a day that I can chew my bar and nibble on my pickle, but it just isn't doing the trick.

This feeling continued into this week. Finally last night, I thought I needed a break and a real meal. Mitch came home and I fed him dinner. With him, I had a few bites of green beans and tuna salad. I would say I had a total of six or eight bites. I'm not going to lie-it was awesome and I don't even like tuna. Mitch was very concerned that from those few bites I would gain five pounds back...but I didn't. This morning I am -23 and doing okay. The funny thing is, I think my stomach has really shrunk up. I was full after those few bites!!! I still have a slight gagging experience when I drink my shakes, but too bad.

In one of my classes we discussed how bad and unhealthy it is to eat in front of the TV. This is pretty much how Mitch and I ate our meals for the past ten years. I prefer eating at the table, but followed along. We both agreed that we would eat at the table when the kiddos arrived. Well, I learned something that has stuck in my head. When you eat in front of the TV you eat twice as much food! WHY? Because, as you sit there and shovel in, you are not focusing on how much food you take in, how fast you eat, or your full signs. In fact, you don't even come up to breathe. There is no pause in eating because nobody is talking (duh-remember, the TV is on). Your mind is enjoying this BIG meal because it is actually focused on and enjoying the TV you are watching-not your meal.TV shows move so quickly, as do our forks going from our plate to our mouth-repeat over and over again.

So when I told Mitch that our days of eating in front of the TV are over, he protested. I told him, certain things wont count. Who doesn't eat pizza in front of the TV while watching a movie or a favorite TV show? His protest didn't last long. The last few meals I made for him, he willingly sat at the table (with the TV off) and we chatted. It was great! Five points for Mitchy Poo!!!

Mitch continues to eat and request naughty treats like ice cream. But I have been making sure the things I buy him are things I don't like. Drumsticks, ice cream flavors that are icky to me. Two nights ago he requested ice cream. I told him I would buy him a little pint of Ben and Jerrys and he requested the Peanut Butter Cup kind. I returned, gave him his ice cream and stood there as he read the label. Serving Size per carton: FOUR ... Calories per serving: 300... Fat per serving 18....Carbs per serving: 45. Normally it is nothing for Mitchy to put down that little tub of goodness (same goes for me too), BUT...he ate a tish over half and said, "I better save the rest of this for tomorrow. I don't need all of this." PRAISE GOD!!! MITCH IS LISTENING TO ME AND TAKING BABY STEPS TO IMPROVE!

Lake Weekend

I haven’t blogged in a while, but really….no news is good news. Kinda. I am now at -17! I am now only three little pounds away from being 1/3 of the way to my goal. This program is great and I am really enjoying it, but it is only easy when I practice avoidance behaviors. This past weekend, I was just over two weeks in the program and Mitchy Poo talked me into going to my mom’s cabin. For those of you who know my mom-she is a Paula Dean and a Martha Stewart (but she isn’t prude like Martha). At her cabin are several of my favorite items that I only have when I am there. Huge breakfast casseroles or waffles. Ribeyes with steamed veggies. Homemade beef hotdogs from the Miltona Meat Locker (they are famous). Jerky. Chips. Dip. Wine. Beer. Cocktails…….need I go on? I knew going into the weekend that I really didn’t want to even go. However, nobody listened to Joy and we went.

The 1st night there Mitch enjoyed his plate of homemade goodies and I just sarcastically sipped on my Diet Coke, which I had in a wine glass. The next day was worse. Even waking up, I felt bitchier. I took my frustration out and spent $130 at Ron’s Warehouse buying 40% Bed, Bath, and Beyond stuff. There was no fun lunch for me. No potato salad, hotdog, and chips. Everyone wondered why I was being so bitchy-well-DUH! I totally skipped out on the boat ride. That would be no fun for me. Being stuck in a boat with drinks, crackers and cheese-all things forbidden. No way in hell. I stayed home and sipped my dinner and smoked my dessert.

It was only thirty minutes after they arrived home that the house was full of the sweet smell of a chicken/stuffing/cheese/heaven casserole. By this time, I was done. I grabbed my dogs and went downstairs to sleep through the pain. I think I slept for two hours. Mitch came down and crawled in bed with me and woke me up by saying, “Baby, how you doing?” That is when the water works turned on. I cried and cried and cried. I told him how much being there sucked (which is NEVER the case), and how hard this is to do, how we have to change-pretty much … just had a nice fifteen minute cry with Mitchy Poo just holding me and letting me cry. We went back upstairs and enjoyed some more of the evening.

This program is working and I’m doing great. I feel great and as of yesterday, I can finally see a difference. Sadly, I feel that my boobs are getting smaller already, but that’s okay, Mitch is buying me new ones in a few years anyway. But for anyone that is trying to quit something, being around certain things are hard and it takes time to work through them. For an alcoholic that is two weeks sober, the last place they want to go is to a Bar or worse Vegas! Someone who is quitting smoking doesn’t want to drive in a car for 7 hours with a smoker! A person who doesn’t know how to swim doesn’t want to walk across the wet scary log over the Colorado River full of rapids. Come On!

Magic Drugs

Well, after my appointment this past Thursday, I was able to start a new drug! I told the doctor that all I could think about was food. Everywhere I looked-FOOD. So, he prescribed me a new drug and said, "you'll actually look at food and say, yuck, I don't want that and you are going to feeling a big increase in energy". I smiled at him and nodded trying to keep my happy face on. I was really thinking, "WHATEVER-there is no drug in this world that could keep me from eating and thinking about food!"

I got home and Googled my drug. Some side effects I could have are dizziness, insomnia, increased heart rate, dry mouth, etc.... blah blah blah-we've all heard that before. I was concerned about the insomnia part of things. Now that Mitch is home every night, I have had trouble sleeping again. Poor Mitchy always gets the short end of the stick in my blogs, but it has to be said. He snores!!! He doesn't just snore (and blame it on Pork Chop) but he is so loud! I describe it to people the same way every time - Mitch's snoring is so bad he can guide ships in from the deep sea through a dense fog.

So Saturday morning came and I took the pill at about 530am in the morning. That way, I could sleep a few hours through any adjustment period. The next thing I knew I had to call my friend in the afternoon and explain how this little white pill with blue dots is the best thing since sliced bread! It was Saturday afternoon and I realized...I haven't thought about food all day. It never even crossed my mind one bit-not even one craving! I couldn't believe it. My mother tells me that this drug is serious and that people get addicted (as she is saying this I am rolling my eyes at her through the phone) and I shouldn't admit to taking this drug and a few other things I think I blocked out. Well people.... I LOVE THIS DRUG. I've been on it since Saturday and I haven't even had to get into the pickles. Infact, I made a salad yesterday, and forgot it was on the counter. I have been around hotdogs, Schwans, cookies, donuts-all things carbs and sugar and I didn't go to the dark side at all!!!

Moving on...... So it is Monday morning, two days of drugs, feeding horses, cleaning stalls, sweating and doing everything by the book, I thought I was GOLDEN for a 2-3 pound loss over the weekend. On Friday I was -11 ... Monday I was -11. WTF ???? I was so upset. All that work and sweat and I lost nothing! Today looked a little brighter and I was at -12. Finally, I lost that one pound from the weekend!!!

Ode To The Scale

After two days of drama and an abusive assault on every pickle in my house, yesterday was the big day! Weigh in day! Every woman out there weighs herself the same way. In the morning, we wake up, strip down, pee (in hopes to get rid of those extra ounces) and maybe take a lil #2. We walk over to the scale, make sure it's level and square and slowly breeze ourselves onto it. In fact, I am sure I am not the only one who has caught herself "sucking in" even though it won't help us one bit. We look down and one of two things happen. If we loose weight, a beam of joy circumferences our bodies. If we gain it, we forcefully step off, and kick it back into its resting place. I have also adjusted the scale just in case it wasn't level and tried again. No matter what weigh in pattern you do ... it's never fun. However this morning the scale read -9 pounds! My GOAL!!!!!

So after I got off work I ran home and changed, maybe I should say stripped. I removed everything I didn't need (The night before I trimmed my toenails, shaved everywhere and buffed my heels-this is death-con-five). No ring, no hair tie and I brushed all the hairspray out of my hair. I want to be as light as possible. Lets face it, weighing at 4pm in the afternoon is not exactly the same as in the morning. Its FAR WORSE!!! I looked in the mirror and said good bye to my sensible cotton briefs and found a light and thin pair of workout pants and the smallest, thinnest t-shirt from Old Navy. Grabbed my flip-flops (because lets face it...socks add up too) and I was ready to go. Luckily I still looked good and didn't go into the office looking like a carnival worker.

I arrived and checked in, grabbed my goodies for the upcoming week, and then my name was called. They escorted me into the small room in the back and said, "lets do it". Trying to NOT do my weird weigh in rituals like at home, I mounted up, closed my eyes and listen to things beep at me. At this point...she didn't tell me how I did. Off to the next small room ... time for blood pressure (which of course has got to be skyrocketing ... I mean ... having to weigh in will cause any woman's pressure to go up!).

"Great Job, you've lost 9 pounds", in less than one second after she said that, both of my arms were above my head, and I was dancing in Philly like Rocky! "YEAH!" I said out loud, ecstatic! Then she said the words nobody wants to hear.... "Oh wait, sorry, my mistake. It is 7.5 pounds" That bitch took 1.5 away from me! Nonetheless, 7.5 pounds in 7 days is great. The nurses and the doctor were very please. In fact, they told me one pound of that is fluid and 6.5 pounds of that I lost in PURE FAT!!! Does anyone out there know how much fat that is? If you are unsure, go to your freezer and take out 6 pounds of hamburger - that's right baby! It is a lot. So I am a happy camper and ready for week two. My doctor said I was doing great and I should reach the 40lb mark in six weeks. Boooyaaaa!

This morning I weighed in at home, like I do every morning, and the scale said I was down 11. So I think there is a 3lb give or take situation here. So again, one week down ... just a few more to go. Thanks everyone who reads this and is cheering me along the way. I would also like to report that Mitchy Poo is behaving MUCH better and has cheered me on everyday. Thank goodness!

It's The Worst It's Ever Been !

Well, it is has been two days, the scale hasn't dropped. I hit the 9 pound mark quick and easy and now I feel like my body is protesting. Either that or something else is going to arrive. Looking back at my previous posts, I noticed I am sooo much like my mother. Every day that passes, every post has the "It's The Worst It's Ever Been" feel to it...but honestly, this is soo hard. It's been seven days....seven long, looooong, lllloooooonnnnngggggg days. Now, I am down to only vanilla shakes, which I quickly learned are NOT as good as the chocolate ones! That will make for a long two days before I go back on Thursday for my scheduled meeting/appt.

I don't want to cheat, but everywhere I turn there is food. Food that I miss. I go into the gas station and goodies are cooking. I run into the grocery store-I can smell the baked bread and deli meat. I have a few bonding hours with my couch and tv - there are commercials. I come to work - there are treats. It seems that everyday that passes, I miss normality more and continue to think of all the yummy food I am missing.

Yesterday while I was making my travel plans for the fall, I realized there will be no more dinners out in the evening. One of the joys of traveling is going out at night, when it is all said and one and enjoy splurging at a restaurant that I can't normally go to. Opening week at school is literally just down the road. When we get ready for school to begin, the campus gathers over yummy pizza, breadsticks, and Cesar salad to listen to opening remarks. Every season we have a coaches luncheon to listen to coaches and players speak...while we create our own sandwiches-not this year. This list doesn't include dinners out with friends or family! So many social events are centered around food. Even a golf game with friends includes beer and sunflower seeds.

I continue to remind myself, I can have this all again, but just not now. I am taking a vacation. The pizza will still be here in a few months, right? Prohibition will never happen with pizza will it? As I quickly type this, I am enjoying my favorite luxury, pickles!!! I love pickles, but I have to moderate my pickle intake due to sodium. I am not allowed to go home and assault the jar of baby dills.

I can't wait for Thursday to get restocked in the stuff I like and focus on my next week's goals. Hopefully next week won't be, the worst its ever been!

Voices in My Head

Saturday morning showed up and although I feared for the weekend, it turned out well. By Saturday morning I had lost 7 pounds (this in only 3 days) so I was feeling great! I went out to the barn and gave Shorty a pre-rodeo bath and power washed a handful of saddle pads. I am a sucker for a power washer! After my afternoon with the horses I headed back into town. I expected Mitch to come home prior to leaving for his rodeo. I walked in the kitchen knowing I had to cook for him eventually and decided to start small. I pulled out the small lunch cooler and made him three turkey sandwiches. There was a moment that I said out loud to myself, "No Good Can Come From This". Those who know me well also know that I love sandwiches! In fact, there is only two sandwiches that I do not care for. #1 Tuna Melt (or anything made with can tuna-yuck!) #2 - Reuben (or anything made with kraut-double yuck). Other than those two sandwiches....I love them! Toasted, open faced, melted, smothered, grilled, pressed .... Sweet Jesus....I want a damn sandwich!

My worst night thus far started at 6pm when I heard from Mitch. "What do you mean you are not coming home? I made you sandwiches!" I told him. So there I was, spending an evening alone, with three turkey sandwiches calling to me from inside the fridge. It was like the scene from Ghostbusters when Dana opens the door to her fridge, light shines, and the voice says, 'ZOOL'. I was not that lucky, instead of ghosts, I had a turkey sandwich with a high pitch voice, similar to Nanny Fine, saying, "half of one won't hurt".

While making these for Mitch I had planned for a sandwich sabotage, I'm no idiot. To help ensure the fact I won't touch these beautiful turkey sandwiches, I smothered the sandwiches in Honey Mustard. There is nothing in this world that ruins a sandwich (or chicken nuggets for that matter) than Honey Mustard! I understand that the world is full of honey mustard lovers, but I am not one, have never been one, and will never be one. That stinky sauce is my kryptonite and if I have even a drop on my food....it is forever ruined.

Saturday evening, late, too late to call anyone as a distraction, I laid upstairs in bed. I made the trip down the stairs...through the dinning room...into the kitchen.... to the fridge and looked at the sandwiches. I even went as far as to open the lunch box. Well, the honey mustard poison worked, every time I went down there, I ended up grabbing a piece of celery and slamming the door...oh and again, more smoking. I'm not proud that I am smoking, but I can't give up food, booze and cigs at the same time.

The Terrible Twos

As of yesterday at 4pm, my 30 year old body morphed into a 2-year old. I had a wonderful day at work and returned to my house to enjoy my 4pm veggies. Once again I choked down a salad and gasoline and treated myself to a Dt. Coke. I turned on a movie and instead of watching the movie for what it was, I focused on all the the candies and cake and drinks that Marie Antoinette was served. That was the end of an easy day. Now, all I wanted, was food.

Cheeseburgers, cheeseballs, club sandwich, ribeye, scallops, and McDonalds fries ..... everything entered my mind. That is when I realized that I was now in what I like to call The Terrible Twos. Anyone who has had children or have spent time around children know that they love things they can't have. Children will become fixated on remotes, cell phones, laptops .... anything they can't have. If they get their hands on one of these items and an adult takes it away-what happens? If you don't remember, I'll remind you - A BREAKDOWN HAPPENS! Kids will scream, naughty kids might hit, and all of them turn bright fuchsia. Even if you hand them a broken cell phone, or a remote that they can play with-they don't want it. They want the real thing!! Nobody wants shakes over burgers or pre-packaged mac and cheese ... they want the real thing and if they don't get it, the fixation starts.

So, I turned off the movie, and I went upstairs to my bed for a "time out". I layed in bed knowing I had an hour and a half before I could eat again and cuddled with my dogs. I turned on the movie Step Brothers in hopes the vulgar language would drown out the sounds of sugarplums dancing in my head. Sleeeeeeppppp..... About an hour later, I woke up in a small puddle of my own drool to notice my mom calling me. Thank God-another distraction! I visited with my mom outside in the nice sun, let my dogs play and smoked.

It's not that I want to go and eat everything I think of, but what I wouldn't give for a burger with a side of grease. Well, as of this morning I have peed out 5 pounds and I will continue to fight these food urges. I know that my hardest time during the day is from 4p-10p ... that is when I am used to eating. I'm not to proud to admit that for the first few weeks...I might need more "time outs" so I can just sleep through the cravings. I am sure that Mitch and my mom would rather see me take that built up engery during my cravings and take it out on laundry, floor boards, dusting and scouring ... but lets not get ahead of ourselves. I hate cleaning, why would I want to punish myself by making me more miserable???

Thank you for reading and cheering me one. I am sure by December, you will all be sick of me. However, I appreciate all the support my family, friends, and co-workers have for me. Thanks all!

Gasoline and Salad Dressing

While reading my handy dandy program binder, I discovered I could have rabbit food aka...lettuce, celery, cucumbers and this one kind of dressing. I dashed to the grocery store trying VERY HARD not to be distracted by all of the things I wish I was buying. I grabbed some veggies, my salad dressing and some spring lettuce mix. Dreaming about chewing, I fixed me up a spring salad mix with my Ceaser dressing. I bought Ceaser because I thought, that was the one kind of dressing that would taste good ... boy was I wrong.

One bite into my salad and my lips burned! I felt as if I just took a shot of Hot Damn. All a sudden, my sinuses cleared up and I could feel the burn creap down my throat. "What the fuck is in this," I thought to my self as I grabbed the bottle. The answer- nothing. No calories, no carbs, no sugar-NOTHING! I am not sure how they begin to make this dressing, than I thought of my mom, my big brother and all cooking fanatic friends who all know one thing....no matter what you make, there is a base to it. Flour is used for breads (including cupcakes ..... hmmmmm cupcakes), butter for sauce and gravy, chicken scraps for broth, everything out there has a base. I came to realize the only thing that could be so painful in this world that is in liquid form to be used in this dressing has got to be gasoline! This dressing smelled like gas, what I can only assume tasted like gas, and had the texture of gas. Sweet Jesus!

After adding half of a diced up cucumber to my salad to take away from the gasoline dressing, I choked it down and tried to enjoy being able to chew. Although the thought entered my mind, maybe I should just drink gasoline on the rocks and at least get high from it...but just my luck, there is probably calories in gasoline!

Day two is off and running. I got on the scale today and lost 3.5 pounds. I was a bit surprised because I drank a two liter bottle of fluid yesterday and three Flinstone Vitamins (don't judge me-that is the closest thing to candy I will have for months). Nonetheless, I peed out 3.5lbs in twelve hours and I'm stoked! I am also pleased to report that my husband was welcomed for dinner at our good friends house. They stuffed him full of brats and taters! When he returned home last night, the only thing he has was ice tea (ironically - that is on my list as things I can have).

I did have a family call me at work and ask for recommendations for places to have lunch in Valley City. As I was describing our local eats, Pizza Corner and Budget Burger, I have to admit, I closed my eyes and pictured Taco Pizza and a Mushroom and Swiss burger. Before my program is over, I am sure I will spiritually connect with Mr. Jimmy Buffet and dream that I am a Cheese Burger in Paradise!

Introduction

In order to shed the extra pounds that have picked up residence on my body, I started a medical diet. For those of you who don't know what a medical diet is, I will explain. A doctor makes you drink shakes and eat bars for months, which literally starves your body. Don't be confused, I am totally excited to do this ... but I am not stupid-it's going to suck!

I read somewhere to think of this time as a "vacation from food." After completing my first day on the Optifast program ... I want to go home. Take my passport, exchange my ticket, and send me home! I am not hungry but mannnnn, do I want to eat. Although I am not starving enough to eat lutefisk, I would be more than happy to eat a bowl of brussel sprouts.

The greatest challenge for me in any attempt to loose weight is my husband Mitch, aka Mitchy Poo. Mr. Fastfood himself! Although I love him more than anything, he will do everything he can to take me down! I have educated him about what I am going through and gave him every detail. There are a few things that I pointed out to him.
#1 - There will be no fast food, pizza, candy or anything else that I would want entering our home.
#2 - For the first few weeks, I will not be cooking dinner for him. He can play the part of stray dog with any of our friends. (fyi-it said in the book I should "refrain from cooking for my family and cleaning the kitchen after my family-SCORE!!!).
#3 - He does not get to taste test my goodies. After spening $250 on ten days of food, that fool isn't going to touch it!

So the ground rules were laid out to him numerous times. Yet, on my first day, he already started to fuck with me. He came home while I was in the kitchen trying to take out the trash (which I decided I'd leave for him). He opens the freezer, pulls out peanut MnM's (my fav) and throws a few back and says, "Ahhhhh, I needed these". WHO DOES THAT? Needless to say, I went a little exorcist on him. I mean really, I have asked for his support and he does that??!!

Other than the Mitchy Poo moment, I had a great day. I really had to focus and continue to say, "I'm not hungry" to remind myself I don't need to snack. So far-so good. My bladder on the other hand has just been welcomed into Bladder Boot Camp. Part of the program is of course drinking 8 cups of water. It's funny...I can drink a bottle and 1/2 of wine but this two litter bottle of water is a little more difficult. Luckily for me, I can add Chrystal Light. So, I have peed six times today and I'm sure I'll have to go another seven times before bedtime. I look forward to my bladder getting into shape!